Chapter 12 - FIVE SECONDS
The room became completely silent.
Even the babies were quiet.
I had spent two days imagining how Brandon might confess.
I expected excuses.
Denials.
Maybe tears.
What I didn’t expect was relief.
Not because I wanted it to be true.
Because uncertainty was finally over.
“How long?” I asked.
He swallowed.
“A few seconds.”
“Mason said the same thing.”
“Audrey—”
“Did you stop?”
“Yes.”
“Immediately?”
He looked away.
“Brandon.”
“No.”
Dad moved toward the kitchen.
I said, “Dad, please take the girls upstairs.”
He looked at me.
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
He took June.
Then Sadie.
Brandon watched him carry our daughters away.
When they disappeared upstairs, I faced my husband.
“Tell me everything.”
He sat on the couch.
I stayed standing.
“Leah had been drinking.”
“Don’t blame alcohol.”
“I’m not.”
“You’re starting with her drinking.”
He rubbed both hands over his face.
“We were talking about college. She said she wondered what would’ve happened if we stayed together.”
“And?”
“I said I didn’t know.”
“Good husband answer.”
“I know.”
“Then?”
“She kissed me.”
“And you kissed her.”
“Yes.”
“How did it stop?”
“I pulled away.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why?”
“Because you remembered me? Because you remembered your daughters? Because somebody walked in?”
He looked down.
“Mason came outside.”
I laughed.
“Of course.”
“That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have stopped.”
“No. It just means we’ll never know.”
He stood.
“Nothing else happened.”
“You keep talking like the kiss is the biggest problem.”
His eyes narrowed.
“It isn’t?”
“No.”
That surprised him.
I stepped closer.
“The worst thing you did happened before you ever saw Leah.”
“Audrey—”
“You looked at me Thursday morning while I was barely functioning and told me to figure it out.”
“I was frustrated.”
“You got on the plane.”
“I apologized.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did.”
“You said ‘I didn’t mean—’ and then your ride honked.”
He stared at me.
“Then June choked.”
His face changed.
“I know.”
“You didn’t call.”
“I thought she was okay.”
“You assumed I would handle it.”
“You did.”
“There it is again.”
“What?”
“That’s your excuse for everything.”
I felt tears building but refused to stop.
“I survive, so you decide what you did wasn’t cruel.”
“That’s not fair.”
“I told you I wasn’t sure I could do four nights.”
“You were emotional.”
“I was telling the truth.”
“I didn’t understand how bad it was.”
“You didn’t want to understand.”
He opened his mouth.
I kept going.
“Then Sadie got sick.”
“She had an ear infection.”
“You didn’t know that when I asked you to come home.”
“I knew the fever wasn’t dangerous.”
“You are not her doctor.”
“I knew you had it handled.”
I stared at him.
“Why does me being capable mean you’re allowed to disappear?”
He had no answer.
I wiped my face.
“You told everybody I wanted you to go.”
He looked away.
“You told them I was having a meltdown.”
“Audrey—”
“You told an ex-girlfriend your wife didn’t need to know your itinerary.”
“I screwed up.”
“No.”
My voice shook.
“You made choices.”
One after another.
“Leaving was a choice.”
I held up one finger.
“Lying was a choice.”
Another.
“Humiliating me to your friends was a choice.”
Another.
“Staying after June choked.”
Another.
“Staying after Sadie got sick.”
Another.
“Kissing Leah.”
Another.
Then I lowered my hand.
“You didn’t screw up once, Brandon.”
I looked directly at him.
“You chose yourself every single time.”
May you like
His eyes filled.
And finally, for the first time since he came home, he had nothing to say.
