Chapter 5 - What I Said in My Sleep
“Only if you want me to,” I said.
Mia studied me.
Then she unlocked the phone.
The recording was dated four nights earlier.
At first, there was only the soft hiss of the bedroom fan.
Then Nico cried.
Mia’s voice came through, thin and shaky.
“Raf?”
A mattress creaked.
“Raf, can you hold him? Just ten minutes?”
My own voice answered.
“Mia, I have work in the morning.”
“I know. I just feel dizzy.”
A pause.
Then me again.
“Ask Mom. That’s why she’s here.”
The recording continued.
Bare feet crossed the floor.
A door opened.
My mother sighed.
“What now?”
“Could you please hold Nico? I need to sit down.”
“You woke me up for that?”
“I don’t feel right.”
“You think Rafael feels right going to work every morning after you keep him awake?”
“Please.”
“Go back to your room.”
The door closed.
For nearly a minute, there was only Nico crying.
Then Mia whispered something so softly I had to lean toward the phone.
“I’m trying, baby. I’m trying.”
She stopped the recording.
I couldn’t look away from the screen.
“I don’t remember saying that.”
“I know.”
There was no accusation in her answer.
I wished there had been.
Anger would have given me something to respond to. Her exhaustion left nowhere to hide.
“I was half asleep,” I started.
Then I stopped myself.
Mia lowered her eyes.
“You still sent me to her.”
“Yes.”
“You keep saying you didn’t know.”
“I didn’t know everything.”
I forced myself to meet her eyes.
“But I knew enough to help. And I didn’t.”
Nico stirred between us.
I reached toward him, then paused.
“Can I take him?”
She nodded.
I settled him against my chest. He weighed so little.
How had we made caring for someone so small feel impossible for her?
“I’m sorry,” I said.
Mia looked toward the window.
“I can’t take care of your guilt right now.”
“You shouldn’t have to.”
“I mean it, Rafael.”
“I know.”
For a while, neither of us spoke.
Then a nurse entered to check her blood pressure. I moved aside with Nico.
When she left, Mia pushed herself a little higher against the pillows.
“I need to tell you something before you make plans.”
“Okay.”
“I’m scared to go home.”
“Mom’s gone.”
Mia shook her head.
“That isn’t all I’m scared of.”
May you like
She looked directly at me.
“I’m scared you’ll be good for three days. Then I’ll be alone again.”
